


Art imitates life

by Lisa_Kate



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Drawing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:07:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24444808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisa_Kate/pseuds/Lisa_Kate
Summary: Carlos had always been drawing. Since he was a kid a sketch pad was always somewhere near. When his drawings and sketched start to have one thing in common Carlos realises him and TK need to have a real talk
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 12
Kudos: 97





	Art imitates life

Carlos has been drawing since he was a kid, even though he was always an active kid it seemed like most his down time he had a pencil in his hand. His Mama had brought him his first proper sketch book at 7 years old and Carlos can remember the feeling of awe he had when he touched the paper with his hand. He had rarely been without a sketch book since then, always filling the pages with doodles and drawings of whatever takes his fancy at any given moment. Over the years his drawings went from those typical child messes that his mum would ooh and ahh over anyway into things even he could look at say was good. Art was always a favourite subject of his at school and he always came out of it with a good grade. Drawing had been a constant source of comfort to him in his life. Sometimes when his mind was going a thousand miles an hour he would draw and the paper or pages would become an illustration of his mind, a journal of his life. Some were just quick sketches and some detailed pieces. Soon he had book and books of pictures of things he had seen, places he had gone, the wildlife and nature he had encountered. He kept all his sketchbooks in his closet when he was finished them and more or less forgot that they were there.

So yeah Carlos had been drawing most is life and a lot of the time what he put on the paper was instinct and he was not always completely aware of what he was doing until he looked down to see the finished pieces. His friends and family where used to seeing a sketch book around him but as he grew up and work and life happened Carlos had less time to just sit and draw but he had been known to doodle on any paper just laying around, he learnt the hard way to pay attention at his desk as one accidental drawing on paperwork while giving his boss an entertaining read was not the most professional report. He was still known to draw in the back of his note book he always carried with him during slow periods, he knew that as long as it did not interfere with his work at the front then it just his own business.

So, Carlos drew a lot but mostly still life, he would draw anything but he found drawing portraits or people exceptionally hard. For Carlos the art had to speak to him and without a connection or a knowledge of the person he was drawing the art just looked incomplete to him. Like something was missing. He had done some portraits he was proud of, people who he knew well and felt for. Family mostly, a nice picture of his father with his kind smiling face before he had passed. Multiples of his mother and sisters is varying stages of his life and his favourite person to draw was his adorable nephew who still being a toddler always exuded a happiness Carlos always felt able to translate into drawing and that little boy always made Carlos feel nothing but love and adoration. Mostly though he stayed away from drawing people.

It was lunchtime and it had been a pretty busy morning, nothing serious but Carlos and his partner had been out since the beginning of his shift responding to minor calls. He had even run into the 126 at a minor car accident where they where on clean up. Carlos had spotted TK in all his fireman glory and that had almost distracted him from the lady was informing him this was absolutely not her fault despite her obvious failure to give way. 

Now his partnered had gone into grab their orders and Carlos was waiting in the car doodling absent minded in the back of his pad. Hutchins came back with their order opening the door and handing over. “Nice Reyes” he commented appreciatively looking at the note pad “you have some talent” Carlos looked down at the pair of eyes he had been drawing for the last ten minutes. They where pretty recognisable even without any green coloured pencils. TKs eyes where staring back at him, he could tell as there was a certain way they looked when TK laughed one of his Carlos favourites laughs. Carlos quickly closed the pad taking his food. “Yeah thanks” he mumbled before quickly starting on his lunch. He hadn’t even realised who he was drawing while doing it and looking down had taken him by surprise.

That had only been the start, over the next few weeks his doodles and drawing without any conscious thought seemed to be TK, he flipped through the back of his notebook one day and realised he had a bunch of sketches. Eyes smiling that smile, pouty lips with a hint of smugness, a silhouette of a man in a fireman’s jacket walking away. His sketch book was similar, next to his pictures of the birds at the lake of his favourite park or right under a picture of his mommas’ backyard at dusk where the images of TK, sometimes just doodles done quickly other times pictures that he had worked on for days. He had a page of TKs eyes, always changing, some attempting in vein to catch the colour in them, others shaded to an inch of being right. The last few pages where intentional drawings of TK. A sketch of him sleeping in Carlos’ bed on a day TK had deigned to spend the night, a drawing of the time TK had attempted to cook in his kitchen showing TK in a hooded with a tea towel strung over his shoulder and a wide smile on his face. 

Yeah Carlos had it bad for TK, which while obvious for him was so bad. TK and him where not dating and TK had made it pretty clear that he was not ready for that yet. Ever since that night on top of the car they had been working towards…something. TK had been more open and willing to be with him, they had spent months getting together when neither was working, going out, really getting to know each other. Carlos would even drop by the station to see him when he could swing it. Always happy to see TK light up when he realised Carlos was there. TK would even spend the night at his afterwards sometimes and Carlos always enjoyed falling asleep next to him and waking up in the morning with TK still there, even if more times than not TK would leave the first moment, he had the chance in the morning. Carlos had gone all in and fallen hard for him; it was not surprising. TK was something special and it seemed like everyone but TK himself saw that. The past few months had been all Carlos needed to fall off the edge and straight into head over heel in love with the man even if TK held him at an arm’s length.

Michelle had come over for their weekly catch up, bringing take out and beer and they had been relaxing on the couch, talking and joking. Carlos had gotten up to go to the bathroom and had returned to see Michelle with a familiar looking sketch book open in front of her, Carlos felt himself blush as Michelle look up to him “oh babe” she sighs “you got it bad huh?” 

Carlos stepped forward and grabbed the sketch book, closing it and putting it on the tv stand before turning to Michelle “since when do you go through my sketch book huh?” he asked looking at her. It wasn’t like he never let her but it wasn’t something she did often. 

“It was laying half open and I saw a drawing so…” Carlos sighed sitting next to her and leaning back against the couch. “You love him, don’t you?” Michelle asked quietly, beer long forgotten in her hands. Carlos did not need to answer, the way Michelle looked at him he could tell his face was all the answer she needs. “Carlos, I need to say something and I want you to let me finish before you say anything and after that we can move on and not talk about it again ok” Michelle said looking at Carlos seriously. Carlos nodded.

“I like TK, a lot, he is a good kid and to be perfectly honest I don’t think it is possible to dislike a Strand” she said with a small grin on her face before it turned into something more serious. Moving forward she placed her hand on Carlos forearm ‘But TK is a friend I work with and you, you are my best friend and one of the most important people in the world to me and I don’t want to see you put everything in to this relationship and be left with nothing at the end. TK is going through a lot and he has every right to move at his own pace but you, Carlos you give a 100% of yourself in everything you do and you love with everything you have. It is what makes you such a bright light tin this world, anybody and I mean anybody would be lucky to be loved by you. I can see you are in love with him but I know you and I know that this semi relationship status you have with TK is making you simultaneously the happiest I have seen you and in its own way miserable. I am not saying TK is not worth the wait and I know you don’t want to rush him but I think you need to find out if that wait is going to eventually come to an end or if you need to find your happiness away from him, because your health and state of mind are just as important as his and this limbo you are in can’t last forever. For your sake I hope it is the former.” 

Carlos stared at Michelle. He knew she was right, the past few months with TK had been amazing but somewhere in the back of his mind the feeling on inadequacy crept. TK was going through something and Carlos couldn’t be his saviour, only TK could do that but if TK did not see a future with him when he healed could he really stay and be whatever he currently was with TK indefinitely? Would there come a day where TK felt like he was ready to move forward and that his future did not involve Carlos and Carlos would be left with just memories and unspoken words. That would slowly eat away at him knowing he had TK so close yet so far.

True to her word Michelle had moved on after that and they had spent the rest of the night bingeing on take out and watching trash on Netflix, but she had left him with a lot to think about and it stayed with him over the next few days. It was in the back of his mind when TK came over the following day. They had gone for a drive out further than downtown Austin, TK wanting to explore more than what he normally saw in Austin. It had been a great day. They had lunch at some nice café they had stumbled across. He had managed to put it out his mind for a most the day just enjoying being with TK. That evening when TK had come back to his and spent the night, they had dinner and sex and Carlos curled around TK to sleep. TK got up kissing him goodbye in the morning as he was rushing to get back home to get ready for work. How TK was always purportedly running late Carlos had no idea, his dad was the opposite so clearly he had not learnt the habit from him. Sitting on his bed after TK had gone Carlos knew Michelle was right. He was in love with TK and he owed it to himself and TK to figure out were this was going. He could wait, patience was virtue of his but if TK did not see a future for them it was better Carlos found out now and try to move on no matter how much it would hurt than find out later when he was somehow even more neck deep in his love for TK.

Carlos had asked to meet TK for lunch, he did not think he could do this at his house. He needed a place he could never visit again if all this crashed and burned in front of him. They both had a shift later that night and Carlos reasoned that at least if he had his heart shattered, he could throw himself into work for a few hours. Carlos sat waiting for TK in the booth tucked into the corner of the coffee shop as far away from anyone else as possible. He had already ordered TK and his drinks as he knew TK would arrives any minute now (they had said 1pm and as it was 1.05 now he knew TK would stumble his way in any second now) Sure enough TK ran in the shop looking slightly dishevelled and grumbling about how traffic was meant to be better in Austin than New York. He sat opposite from Carlos in the spare seat and smiled that smile of his that had Carlos’ heart jumping and featured multiple time in his sketch book. Carlos let TK talk at him for a few minutes, going of on one of the many tangents TK could do. Carlos always found them interesting and fun. After a ten minutes and half of his coffee later TK looked down at the sketch book in front of Carlos where it had been resting since before TK walked in. TK raised his eyebrows at the book before looking up at Carlos “hey I did not know you could draw” he slowly reached out for the book giving plenty of time for Carlos to stop him before actually touching it. He pulled it towards him when Carlos made no move to stop him flicking open the first page.

‘Wow Carlos these are amazing” He marvelled looking through the first few pages, stopping to look at a detailed picture of a crow Carlos had spent the better part of two days on before turning the page and seeing a picture of his nephew smiling and waving a new toy in his chubby fist. TK turned the page again looking through every page “Seriously Reyes” He groaned “Can you stop being so perfect, I mean the boy cooks, is a killer a dancer, has the looks of a god and a personality of a saint and then he draws like this. Is there anything you can’t do” TK jokes looking up at him with a smile. That smile freezes in placed when TK turns the page and the drawings turn into him. The next few pages seem to consist mostly of TKs eyes, sketches upon sketches of him, a drawing of a firefighter standing on the back of the truck the TK STRAND clear on the back of the jacket. Every time TK turned a page there was image upon image of him. Some he could remember from memories others appearing as just random sketches. TK breath catches is his throat and he looks up.

Carlos takes a deep breath and remembered his promise to himself to be brave “TK I wanted to show you this for a reason.” He starts “See my whole life I loved drawing, but to be honest drawing people never really appealed to me. It is hard capturing someone’s essence in a picture, if you don’t know them well, but these last few months, my favourite thing to do has been to sit on the couch and just draw. And it always turns out to be you. Your smile, your hair all messed up after falling asleep, your eyes and the different shades of green that always seem to be in them. I realised that drawing you is as easy as breathing to me, and that’s because TK, I love you” TK mouth has fallen and it looks like his about to say something so Carlos hurries on “please let me finish” he takes TKs hands in his “I know that you aren’t there yet and I know you are still healing from New York and that’s ok I can wait, but I guess what I need to know is if I am alone in this, I know you care about me but do you think you could love me, do you see us ending up the way I can see us?’ Carlos could feel his eyes tearing up as he waited for a response. 

TK looked lost. He had not said a word for at least a minute and the silence at the table felt overwhelming. Then TK had slowly moved his hands out from under Carlos’ “Carlos” He moaned tugging at his her in distress and closing his eyes before starting again “Carlos you are this amazing guy and being with you is by far one of the best parts of being in Austin, if it was not for you I am not sure how I would have made this place a home, but I am not right for you” Carlos could feel his hear shattering “I am still a mess, I am an addict, and so all over the place I am not sure I am even worthy of anyone yet alone someone like you.” Carlos wanted to interrupt, tell TK surely he could decide that for himself. But TK continued on before he could “I mean less than a year ago I thought I was with the love of my life and look at how that turned out. I feel so much for you but how am I meant to trust my own feelings when they have led me so wrong before. I care about you so much and we make a great team but I don’t know if I love you or even if I can.” TK looked at him so sadly, he looked a second away from crying himself “I don’t know if I am capable of loving again at this moment or anytime soon, I am sorry” TK looked down at the table and Carlos knew this was it. He had laid his heart on the line and it through no fault of his or TKs it had all gone up in flames. 

Carlos took a deep breath and tried not to let the tears fall “Thank you” Carlos said “for your honesty, TK you are one of the kindest most open people I have ever met and I want you to know that you are not a mess and you are so worthy of all the love in the world and I had hoped I could be the one to give it to you but I see that that is not meant to be. Even though I can’t be that I want you to be happy and I really hope you find happiness. Just know that I do love you and one day I hope I can be here for you as friends but for now I think I need some time and some space.” Carlos pushed his chair back leaning forward and giving TKs check a caress “Bye TK’ he murmured giving he a kiss on the cheek and taking one last look at TK who now had tears rolling down his cheeks and turning to walk away despite everything instinct in him telling him to just hug TK and comfort him, seeing TK hurting broke him but Carlos needed to walk away for himself because if TK was not sure he could see them being a them or loving Carlos then Carlos had to heal himself because this one sided all-encompassing love was not going to be healthy for either of him. He left the sketch behind on the table when he went.

Carlos was so wrong; work had not been a good distraction for him at all. He must have been radiating misery because Hutchins had been looking at him like he wanted to ask but he never did. Carlos though the look on his face was probably begging Hutchins not to. Carlos moved through the shift on auto pilot and at the end of the day Hutchins had turned to him on his way out and said “Man whatever is going on if you need to talk I am here for you but you can’t come into work like this again it dangerous’, giving Carlos a clap on the back before leaving. Hutchins was right, his job required 100% focus and that was what he had to give. He came in the next day and put it all aside while on duty but afterwards, at home he let it all hit him. His mama always said he wore his heart on his sleeve and it was true. He spent his off days lazing around the house and letting himself mope and mourn. He called his mama and told her everything. How he had fallen for this amazing boy who did not see how amazing he was and how he had fallen so deep in love but that TK had not felt the same and how it had not worked out. His mama had listened through it all and consoled him and finally had made him promise to come over on the weekend so she could feed him all the comfort food in the world. Her poor baby who loved with his all. He had agreed because heaven knew he could use a strong hug from mama and many MANY cuddles with his nephew.

It had been five days and Carlos second day off with no work to distract him. Michelle had been over in the late afternoon with food but she had gone as she wanted to see Iris before the rain kicked in that night she had only left after he had promised to call for ANYTHING and he was now sitting on the couch considering just calling it a night when there was a knock at his door. Carlos looked at the door and considered not opening it. There was a strong chance it was one of his siters here, having heard about what happened from his mama and he was not sure he could stomach putting on a brave face for them. The knocking started up again more desperate this time and Carlos resigned himself to answering the door. His sisters had never been known to back down and his was clearly home with his camaro in the driveway.

He got up and answered the door not bothering to look any way presentable. His old APD top and his comfy sweats would have to do. Perfecting that pathetic look may make his sister go easy on him anyway. It was not one of his sisters at the door. It was TK, dripping water from the rain and in one of his many hoodies. 

Carlos felt his breath catch, this was not fair and to be honest was a little cruel. “TK, I” He started but TK interrupted him “Can I come in?’ TK asked “please I need to talk to you”. Carlos shouldn’t, he had asked for time and he desperately needed it, it still hurt to look at TK but looking at TK on the porch he knew defeat when he saw it and stepped back to let TK in. TK walked into the lounge room and turned to face him “you left this behind’ he said softly pulling out Carlos sketch book out of his hoodie where head obviously been protecting it from the rain. Carlos stared at it “Keep it” he shrugged not looking a TK.  
TK stepped forward but stopped at the look in Carlos eyes. “When you left the coffee shop, I took the sketch book with me. I took it home and then I took it to work and then it just stayed with me in my bag wherever I went. I couldn’t leave without it and I kept looking at it all the time’ TK looked down at the sketch book “You are amazingly talented Los’ He looked up at Carlos.

’Thanks TK but I think you should leave” Carlos turned to the door but stopped at TKs voice “wait just let me say this, please” TK sounded desperate and Carlos turned back to looked at him.

“These last five days have been horrible since you left, I have had nothing but time to think and to look at these.” He held the sketch book up taking care with holding it “I didn’t realise how much you where apart of who I am here until these last few days when you were gone. I would pick up my phone to text you when Buttercup learnt a new trick or when probie tripped over the fire hose because I just wanted to talk to you to share my day with you and realised I couldn’t do that. I would wake up cold and go to turn into you and I would find myself alone in my bed. I spent most the five fays thinking about you and how you light up everything when your around then your face when at the coffee shop when I said I was not sure if I could love you. My heart would break every time I closed my eyed and saw that. After a few days my dad sat me down in his office, I had been a zombie at the station and he was worried about me. He did not want me back till I had sought myself out. So, I sat at home and I looked at this book” TK held the sketch pad running his hand over the cover “And I saw all your drawings and all the happiness that came through in them and I felt that happiness.” TK was crying now “and I realised that almost everything I said at the coffee shop was true. I am still a mess and I am still trying to find myself away from New York but the one thing I was wrong about was saying I did not know if I could love you. Carlos I can, I know I can. If the way I feel about you know isn’t love then I can’t wait to fall head over heels for you because it is going to be like nothing I have ever felt before be cause I know what I feel for you know is just the surface and I want that. I want to be with you in every way and I want to work every day to be a better person so I can start new with you and love you the way you deserve. I know only I can fix myself but you remind of why I want to do it.”

Carlos looked at TK in astonishment. TK took a step forward holding Carlos’ face. “Carlos if you let me I want to be with you for however long you will have me because what we have is fire and I would rather risk being burned that not have the warmth you radiate.” 

Carlos broke, he rested his head against TKs “TK that is all I want, I love you so much and we can do this together. I know you need time but as long as we are moving towards this together, I can do it at you pace” He took the book from TKs hands and placed it on the table before taking both of TKs hands. TK smiled his widest smile at him and kissed Carlos had. Carlos wrapped his arm around TK and held him tight returning the kiss enthusiastically. They stayed that way for minutes just feeling each other again before Carlos broke away with huff of realisation.

“Tk, I hope you like comfort food and terror, because on Sunday we have to go explain to my Mamma why she spent hours cooking heartbreak food for the happiest guy alive.” TK looked a him with a mixture of horror and elation on his face. Carlos’ stories of his Mama where legendary and the idea of meeting the woman terrified him but for Carlos TK was willing to be brave,

Years later well after TK had moved in there where many photos of them around the place but the picture that sat in the place of honour was a drawing of TK from the morning after that night smiling and looking up from Carlos bed.

**Author's Note:**

> I have fallen in love with this pairing. Hard.
> 
> OK so all mistakes in this are mine and I apologise. Turns out the best place for me to work is on my active shift with the lovely background noise of my co worker snoring and I was running out of time to edit. Also as an Australian some words may be spelled differently than Americans spell them. Sorry it cant be unlearned and my auto correct is set to Britain English.
> 
> Also I wish with all my heart I could have a drawing accompanying this of some of the sketches and art Carlos made but.......well I can not draw to save my life.
> 
> Please leave comment I do love them. Have an awesome day guys.


End file.
